Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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