I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
there's paper in my vomit.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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