then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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