i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
