Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
