I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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