I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
