I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
