Me. At least after what I've been through.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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