we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
