I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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