I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
