So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
