dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
This is classic penis vs brain.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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