why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
