P.S. I can't hear my feet
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
