is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
