the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
