It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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