Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
