I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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