Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
