Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
