did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Your dad touched me again.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
