your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
