I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
