was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
