I met the friendliest cop last night
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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