i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
