oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
