so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
