Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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