Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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