even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
