so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
