Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
