She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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