Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
All I want is dick and wine.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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