i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
