You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Text me some of your sweat
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
