He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
