i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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