Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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