Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you had me at cake vodka
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Randomize
