so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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