she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
