I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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