theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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