Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
