what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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