my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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