Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Randomize
