he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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