Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
we're so committed to being not committed
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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