You're my little dorito
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
