It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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