I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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