I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This beer is not sobering me up at all
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
