I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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