So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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