I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
