dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
