life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
