Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
