Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
